Gimme Hope Jo'anna

I made it.

Jo’berg.

Before I tell you how good life is right now... I have to backtrack to the beginning of the day.

The taxi that picked me up at the Singel Hotel this morning had “Feed the World” playing on the radio. 

Coincidence?  

I found myself singing along to “...and there won’t be snow in Africa for Christmas...”  I have a funny feeling that there will be a lot more of this irritating little song stuck in my head coming up in the next week or so...

The flight was touch and go.  I think I have Air Sickness Syndrome, and God dammit, I don’t like it or want it.  At the Amsterdam airport, I decided it might be a good idea to get a yogurt parfait.  Half way through it, I suddenly realized that perhaps the Fruits of the Forest congealed mix wasn’t exactly what I needed for my stomach and frame of mind to have a peaceful, drama-free flight.

As if it’s not bad enough that I have to wear compression socks to prevent hideous ankle stumps AND endure the agony of Sciatica & Restless Legs Syndrome...  It’s cruelty.  Sit by ME on the plane! I’m a pure delight :-)

My body is deteriorating.

One thing that might have saved my life is that I suddenly remembered at the last moment before boarding, that I desperately needed to have an aisle seat.  At 6:30AM, I had forgotten to put in the request.  In my defence, it was early AND almost everything at the Amsterdam airport is done in a self-serve manner.  Check in, baggage tag, passport scan, ticket issue... 

 

Throwback #1:  When I was in Australia - 94/95 - I bunked with two girls, Ang & Sarah, in a fruit-picking hostel in Bundaberg.  I am still friends with both of them- which seems crazy to me 25 years after our working holiday in the tomato killing fields of Queensland, Australia.

Anyway - they used to wake me up in the mornings singing this song- “Gimme Hope, Joanna” by Eddy Grant.  I was on the top bunk and would look down at them singing away and doing their silly dance.  Funny, but I had never heard it before, and it quickly became one of my favourites. 

• Maybe because of the fun, catchy beat? 
• Maybe because of the controversial anti-apartheid lyrics? 
• Maybe because my name is prominent?

Probably the latter...

Throwback #2: When I was in Ecuador in 90/91, I used to tell my host mother that I wanted to go to Africa one day and she used to wail the warnings of cannibals potentially eating me.  She would literally BEG me not to go.

Well, here I am...

Look at me go.

I feel that I can add that African continental danger to my list.

Besides the plane being cold, everything went smoothly.  Cold is a hideous understatement.  It was freezing. Everyone was wrapped up in their blankets and coats.

I managed to not be sick... so that offset the displeasure of the Baltic breeze... but not by much.

When we were about to land, a wave of warnings about Johannesburg airport did suddenly inundate my thoughts... and for a little while, I was doubting my decisions... but too late.

Arrival.

 Check this timeline out...

• Arrival at 10:00AM
• Off the plane by 10:15AM
• Through customs by 10:20AM - I got a quick glance and a stamp in my passport.
• Quick trip to the powder room.
• See that my flight’s luggage is at carrousel #8... so I walk over there.
• My luggage is the SECOND one off the plane and on to the carrousel.
• I walk out the Exit doors and in to the main terminal at 10:30AM.
• My driver is standing there with a ‘Joanna McBride’ sign waiting for me.
• We get to the vehicle, pay the parking fee and are on the road by 10:45AM.
• Hotel arrival - 11:15AM.

I can NOT make this up!

 Of course... this amazing luck is just setting me up for future flounders.  Can’t fool me.

The kind taxi man had some problems with the Pay Parking machine and had to leave me alone momentarily to go downstairs to the office and pay in person.  While I was waiting, I suddenly heard loud rambunctious voices - and from what I could make out, whoever was behind the voices was causing havoc every step of their way and they were headed directly towards me.

I braced myself to be robbed and possibly shot...

Turns out that it was three extremely intoxicated men singing ‘Day O’ at the top of their lungs and making a very badly combined effort to ride the luggage buggy together.  As they rounded the corner of the hallway, making their way towards me, I watched them all fall over three times.  They didn’t miss a beat of the song though.

Once at my hotel, my gated palace, Villa Simone, I had unfortunately missed the in-house bar, as it closed at 10AM... but there is COMPLIMENTARY sherry in my room.  This place is a MANOR... and only $100!

Quite the step up from Amsterdam’s smallest room.

I’d say...

AND my new favourite taxi driver, who thinks Canada is always full of snow, is coming back to get me at noon to return me to the airport, because I have not yet had enough flights in my life.