Villa Simone

 So I spent the night at The Villa Simone in Johannesburg, and after teetering back and forth between much needed sleep and awakeness, I am still here and awaiting my new taxi friend to whisk me back to the airport for yet, another flight.  14 hours in Johannesburg and off I go to Capetown at 2PM.

I’m on my third lukewarm cappuccino...

Last night, as we entered, what I described as a gated palace, I was in awe of the grandiosity of this majestic manor.  The red carpet that led me to the reception.  The Greek pillars.  The Romanesque statues lining the driveway.

I felt like nobility.

Too bad I’ve been wearing the same outfit for 48 hours, I have plane head hair and I’m toting a backpack & a canvas messenger bag.

After I settled my bill, I was led up a few floors to my room. The last set of narrow, winding, carpeted stairs seemed reminiscent of Flowers in the Attic leading me up to a secret loft.  My room was aptly named the “Geisha” room.  It had a distinctly Japanese theme to it- Samurai katana swords, vases, lamps, pillars, lanterns, scrolls, mats, lighting, frames, etc...

I was up at 3AM with jet lag and of course, the internet had shut down, much to my dismay. In fact, it was out for 7 hours.  Nothing like a lack of wi-if to open up the power of observation, and observe I did.  In fact, there was quite a lot to take in, and I have a feeling that I haven’t even discovered the half of it.

Villa Simone boasts a distinctly different decorating theme to each lounge down each hallway, on each floor.  There are quite a few.

I noticed Chinese, Mongolian, Thai, Greek, Cowboy, Japanese...

In addition to that, each room has a different name, which to me, only concludes that they each embody the theme of the name.

• Geisha - Japanese.
• Mykonos - a Greek Island. 
• Marrakech - city in Morocco.
• Balmoral - the Queen’s residence in Scotland. 
• Moulin Rouge - a nightclub in Paris.
• Matador - Spanish.
• New Orleans - American.

Wandering down the hallways, you come to realize that there is a very Buddhist theme - with various Catholic undertones... and the occasional Christmas tree thrown in to the mix.

Don’t get me wrong - as odd as it may be, the decor is actually fascinating.  The entire place is a maze of secret hallways & winding staircases... and just when you think you’ve exhausted your options, there is suddenly another themed balcony with a concealed entrance in to another corner of the world.

I feel like I’m in a parallel universe to that of the theme room hotel at West Edmonton Mall.
This place would be the perfect location for a murder mystery.  The Orient Express in a hotel.

The outdoor lawn is full of mismatched old patio furniture, more stone statues, palm trees and assorted flowers and foliage. All the tables are adorned with colourful, plastic table clothes - and almost set as though there might be an afternoon tea planned at any moment.

Just when I think that I have the entire palace sussed out, I seem to wander in to another wing and once again, I’m mesmerized by design.

The room I am sitting in right now is filled with red fuzzy furniture, carpeted pillows, glass statues, old sewing machines and colourful lamp posts.  A distinct 1920’s Gatsby meets semi-modern theme.  There is some kind of mind numbing station on the radio playing the latest pop songs, but sung in a “soft sounds of yesterday and today,” easy listening manner by unknown artists.

‘Gone with the Wind’ is on the television.

Down another secluded hallway, and through a grandiose archway, I discovered a dark, sunken, borderline-medieval speakeasy.  On one side is a bar graced with a style dating back to a cross between prohibition and the 1970’s.  A zillion old time radios lining the shelves.  One the other side is the stage... and once again, a very 1920’s-1930’s look.  The ceiling is full of old records.

  Right in between the stage and the bar is an old pinball machine and directly beside that is a secret door hiding another winding staircase leading down in to the wine cellar.  The wine cellar has mirror-like windows that face directly on the dance floor.  It’s all very mysterious and eclectic

Did I mention the three pianos?  The trumpet style lights?  The poker table?  The roses 
everywhere? The cigarette machine?  The vintage record player?  The vintage saddle? The hair dresser chairs at the front entrance?

Words can NOT do this hotel justice.

Oh... and there is NOTHING African about this place.

Nothing.